Polish night

Last night I went out for a meal with some friends. We decided to do something different from the usual curry hit, so we went to a Polish restaurant. I was pleasantly surprised.

I had borscht, for the first time ever. It's a clear beetroot soup, full of complex flavours like peppercorns and juniper berries. They made a vegetarian version of it for me, made with mushroom stock. It was really delicous.
For my main course I had something I couldn't possibly pronounce. It was mushrooms, peppers, onion and very finely sliced courgettes in a spicy tomato sauce. Yummy too, but very rich. I only managed half of it.

We had a great laugh and thoroughly enjoyed the meal. We were supposed to go on to the cinema to see The Men Who Stare At Goats, but we took so long over eating that we missed the film, so we went to a nearby pub to round off the evening.

Enough already!

Not 15 minutes after I finished typing and posting my previous post, they were at it AGAIN!

I've had enough of this, It's actually really stressful listening to other people argue.
I stormed out of our back door and shouted at him 'WILL YOU PLEASE, JUST, STOP!' then closed the door and walked away before he had a chance to say anything.

The look on his face could only be described as incredulous. Like he had no idea why I was pissed off.
I got the feeling that the next words out of his mouth would be, to her 'See what YOU'VE done now!'

I just couldn't keep quiet any more. I don't want to get involved. Domestics are best left WELL alone.
Sigh...

O.P.D. - other people's drama
SUCKS

Warning signs, alarm bells and BPD

The young couple who live next door to us fight A LOT. They're very, very young. Too young really for their situation. He turned 18 the day befroe their baby was born. She's still not 18 yet. They are trying to have a grown-up relationship, and be parents, and they are so obviously not ready for it.

I can't help but listen to their fights, because they are very loud and our walls are very thin. I'm seeing a very unpleasant and frightening pattern emerging, and if I'm right, there's no happy ending to this. It all seems far too familiar. It's reminding me of a very bad time in my own very dim and distant past.
I know a fair amount borderline personality disorder. I've made it my business to understand it, so I can recognise it in people, long before they do.

Every time they have an argument, he does ALL the shouting. She always stays very quiet. You never hear her voice raised. He gets very aggressive and insulting towards her.

A few weeks ago he was shouting at her for a couple of hours because he'd asked her to get some cash out of the bank and she forgot. Bearing in mind that she's looking after a 3 month old baby, it's kind of understandable that it might slip her mind. It went on and on, with him telling her she had disrespected him and she doesn't care about anyone but herself yada yada yada. If she tried to speak up, he got even more angry and accused her of talking back to him.

On Saturday, this weekend, they had a huge ding-dong. Well I say 'they', but once again, all the noise was coming from him. He was lying on the ground outside our back door, in the rain, sobbing and wailing and being very melodramatic. He was screaming that he loved her and asking over and over again 'Why do you treat me like shit?' She stayed calm and tried to get him to go indoors for nearly an hour. He cried until he was physically sick all over himself, and he had spit and snot hanging from every orifice. She did eventually manage to coax him back indoors, but in order to do so she pretty much had to say everything he wanted to hear. Things like 'It's my fault', 'I'm sorry' and 'I'll change'. This really worries me. His over-the-top drama was nothing but emotional manipulation. I've seen it myself, a very long time ago. When you're in that situation, you'll basically say anything to calm them down and make it stop.
I wasn't party to everything that was said, but if I had to guess, I'd bet some of these words came out of his mouth in some form or other. 'You MAKE me do this.' 'I'm going to hurt myself and it'll be your fault.' 'You don't love me as much as I love you.'..... I could go on, but you get the picture.
He did go indoors for about half an hour, but the crying never stopped. The next thing I know, there's crashing and bashing and he's outside again, throwing the wheelie bins around and running off.
Again, it's all about control and manipulation. It's similar to the contrived way a teenage girl might 'trash' her room when she throws a strop. Everything messed up, but nothing actually broken...

The sad thing in all of this, is the poor kid. To be subjected to so much bad emotion at so young an age, can only be harmful. Never mind the fact that she was left completely alone for over an hour, crying and probably cold, because the door was left wide open while he freaked out outside.
What is all this going to do to her, long-term?

I feel a little sorry for this guy. From what he's told me, he comes from a very fucked up broken family. His mother is a particularly nasty piece of work. I can only feel 'so' sorry for him though. We can do two things with what we learn from our up-bringing. We can do as they did, whatever the consequence because that's all we know - or we can break the mold and make our own choices and create our own moral boundaries.

So now it's Monday, and they're having another row. Or should I say, he's shouting at her again.
If I'm right, and I sincerely hope I'm not, it's only a matter of time before this shit gets physical and he starts to hit her, then beat her. It's a very sad pattern to see emerging.

Winter in full swing

I guess it had to happen sooner or later.
Summer dragged itself out as long as it could, and it's been one of the most beautiful Autumns I can remember. The lack of wind and rain meant the leaves stayed on the trees for a long time and we got to look at all the lovely colours for much longer than usual.

This weekend is going to be as grim as a grim thing on a grim day, so we've stocked up on essentials and plan to snuggle up and not leave the house unless we run out of tea bags or the sun decides to come out. Neither is likely (tea bags were on offer so we bought two boxes).
With 80-90 mph winds predicted, indoors is the place to be this weekend.

It gives us an opportunity to carry on with the studio re-build. Mark has stripped all the cabling from the mixing desk and rack units. We need to clear the room, get the window replaced with a double-glazed one, then cut down the mixing desk table, so it's just the right size for the new mixing desk, then start all over again, wiring everything up. It's going to take a while to get all that done.

I also need to make a start on making the rest of the house respectable, ready for my parents visit in two weeks time. Believe me, two weeks is only just enough time to tidy this place. I'm cooking dinner for them when they come and visit, so we'll also need to reclaim the dining table, which has become the temporary studio, and home to the iMac, 16 track etc etc. D'oh!

Meh...

I made some cupcakes from a recipe I found online the other day. I guess it was only a matter of time before I made a duff batch. The recipe was for apple sauce cupcakes, which sounded really nice. I even MADE the apple sauce for the recipe fresh from cooking apples.
I'm not going to post the recipe this time though, because it was quite disappointing. The walnuts over-powered the whole flavour and they came out more like small cakes, rather than light and fluffy cupcakes.
They weren't unpleasant, just not the best I've tried.

Next...

Weird noises

It's really grim here today. It's been raining pretty much all day, and now the wind has picked up as well. They are saying that overnight tonight and all day tomorrow is going to be the worst storm of the year so far. Winds of 80-90mph and torrential rain.
The weird part though is something totally new to us.
Every time there's a gust of wind, the chimney (which is blocked up) is acting like some kind of weird amplifier and generating this bizarre noise. It's kind of like when you blow over the rim of a bottle, but much louder.
We've lived here for 10 years and this has never happened before.

Carrot cake cupcakes

To make 12 cupcakes
The quantities may seem slightly weird on this one. That's because I cut them in half from a recipe for 24 cakes, which I thought might be too many.

Just under 1 cup of plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
2 eggs
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tbsp orange juice
1 1/2 cups grated carrot
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
1/4 cup chocolate chips

Heat oven to 375 F
Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.
In a separate bowl, beat the egg at medium speed until blended.
Gradually beat in the sugar and brown sugar.
Add vanilla, vegetable oil and orange juice and mix until combined and smooth.
On low speed, mix in one third of the flour mixture. Add in thirds, mixing each time until smooth.
Fold in grated carrot, walnuts and chocolate chips.

Divide between 12 cake cases.
Bake for 18-20 minutes.
Cool on a wire rack, then top with buttercream frosting. (I cheated and bought a tub of Betty Crocker ready made vanilla buttercream frosting. It was very nice.) I also went nuts with decorating them with chocolate curls and sugar stars.

Touching and touched

I got the sweetest message today from one of my male friends. I won't name him, to spare his blushes, but I  was so touched by what he said, I wanted to share it.

The Midlife Dementia Show were kind enough to play not one, but two Summer Jets songs on their radio show this month, which was awesome and very much appreciated. One of the songs they played was 'Need to Know', which is about a very real situation that myself and some close friends got embroiled in a few years ago. It was unpleasant for everyone involved, and the whole thing could have been avoided, but for some really bad decisions made by some very messed up people, who drew too many people to a very bad place along with them.

The song is written from my perspective and it's about my decision to walk away and not be involved when the shit hit the fan - and consequently lose someone I thought was a friend. Turned out I made the right choice......

Anyhoo - my friend found the lyrics (and the song) so moving that he couldn't help but cry. He had to leave the room to regain his composure. He emailed me to tell me how beautiful the song is and what a strong emotional effect it had on me. I take this as a HUGE comliment.

Here are the lyrics to Need to Know (from memory).

Can I say to you, I told you so. It won't help now, but you need to know.
Can I hold your hand, and heal your heart. And help you cope and not fall apart.
Let it go, just let it go. Don't blame me I told you so.
Let it go, you need to know.

So what happens now, where will you go. Where can you hide, and will you let me know.
Hiding far away, down by the sea. I'll reach for you, if you reach out for me.
Let it go, let him know. Don't hate me I told you so.
Let it go, just let it go. Don't blame me I told you so.
Let it go, let him know.

Sucker-punched, he laid you out. Promised the world and there was no doubt.
But deep down you knew, this couldn't last. A crazy future from a shady past.
So I'm stepping back away from this. I hope you find what was in your wish.
I'm not judging you, these things take two. But the consequence was something that you knew.

Will you ever learn to stop yourself before you burn? (You need to know)
Will you ever learn to stop yourself before you burn? (You need to know)
Will you ever learn?

To hear the song, go to www.myspace.com/summerjets